'It is what it is': The most British (and overused) way to accept life
You’ll hear it in offices, on the news, at the end of long rants, or mumbled over a cup of tea after something goes wrong.
'It is what it is.'
This short phrase has become something of a national catchphrase in the UK. It often appears when something frustrating, disappointing or just downright annoying happens and there’s not much you can do about it.
But I’ll be honest. I’m really not keen on this one.
It’s overused. It can come across as defeatist. And more than anything, it often feels like a way to avoid properly engaging with a situation.
Still, it’s everywhere. So if you’re learning English and want to understand real-life, everyday phrases, let’s break this one down.
What does 'It is what it is' actually mean?
At its core, the phrase means something like:
'We have to accept this situation, even though it’s not ideal.'
'Things are the way they are, and we can’t change them.'
It expresses a kind of resignation, a sense that something unpleasant has happened but we’re not going to fight it.
Examples:
The company’s cutting jobs again. It is what it is.
I missed the deadline. It is what it is.
My landlord just put the rent up. It is what it is.
The tone makes all the difference
Sometimes this phrase sounds philosophical, calm and wise, like someone who’s made peace with the messiness of life.
Other times, it feels defeated, like someone giving up too easily.
It can also come across as dismissive or cold, especially if someone says it to shut down a conversation.
Compare these:
'I've done everything I can. It is what it is.'
(a calm acceptance)
'You're upset? Well, it is what it is.'
(a bit harsh, perhaps)
'This whole thing is a mess, but it is what it is.'
(somewhere between humour and helplessness)
Why do Brits use it so much?
In British culture, we’re often uncomfortable with expressing strong emotions, especially in public. We tend to favour understatement, humour, or quiet endurance.
This phrase fits perfectly with that approach. It gives us a way to acknowledge disappointment without getting emotional. To say, 'Yes, it's a bit rubbish, but let's move on.'
But sometimes, I think we hide behind it. We use it when we don’t know what else to say. Or when we don’t want to deal with the real issue.
Why I don’t love this phrase
I have to admit, I’m not a fan.
Yes, it can be useful. Yes, it’s very British. But often, it feels like a cop-out. A way to avoid feeling things properly. Or worse, a way to shut down other people’s feelings.
It’s a phrase that ends a conversation rather than opens one up.
Personally, I prefer expressions that still leave room for action or reflection, even if things are tough.
Alternatives to 'It is what it is'
If you want to express acceptance but with a bit more warmth or nuance, try one of these:
I’m trying to make peace with it
It’s not ideal, but I’m dealing with it
Nothing I can do about it, really
I’m letting it go
I’m moving on from it
There’s no use spending time dwelling on it.
These give you more flexibility and often sound more human.
So yes, 'It is what it is' is a phrase you’ll definitely hear in British English. It’s handy, especially when you don’t have the energy to argue or explain.
But be careful with it. Tone, context and delivery matter. And it’s worth asking yourself if there’s a better way to respond, one that’s more honest, thoughtful or kind.
Because sometimes, saying 'It is what it is' might actually mean 'I don’t want to deal with this' or 'I don’t care.' And that’s not always the message you want to send.